Premarital counseling (also known as “pre-engagement” or “pre-marriage” therapy) is a great way to build the foundation of your future together. It helps couples strengthen their communication skills, set goals for their future relationship, and discuss sensitive issues that might otherwise be avoided or misunderstood. It can also help couples learn how to identify and manage their differences and emotional needs.
Many people equate pre-marital counseling with marriage or couple’s therapy; however, there are important distinctions to be made between these types of therapy. Pre-marital counseling is a preventative process, while marriage and couples therapy are both therapeutic processes designed to address conflict or misunderstandings. In addition, pre-marital counseling may focus on specific areas of strength and growth within the relationship, whereas marriage and couples therapy typically explores past conflicts or trauma in more depth.
Some religions require engaged couples to attend premarital counseling before marrying. In these cases, the counselor is generally a religious leader, rather than a trained therapist. This type of pre-marital counseling is not as common, but it can be beneficial for couples who want to strengthen their faith and relationship.
For most couples, the goal of pre-marital counseling is to have an open and honest discussion about topics that might affect their future together. This can include discussing expectations regarding sex, careers, children, religion, money, and more. By bringing these topics up for discussion, there are often fewer surprises down the road and a clearer understanding of each other’s values and beliefs.
Additionally, pre-marital counseling can provide a safe space for exploring difficult emotions. For example, if one partner is struggling with addiction or some form of codependency, this can be an opportunity to talk about these issues openly and learn healthy tools for moving forward in the relationship. Likewise, if the partner has anger management issues, this can be a time to discuss how best to communicate in a loving and effective manner.
Lastly, pre-marital counseling is an ideal place to discuss the role of expectations in the relationship. This can be a difficult topic to discuss, but it is essential for ensuring that both partners are on the same page about how they expect their marriage to function. For example, if a partner wants an egalitarian marriage but their partner is more traditional, this can cause problems down the road unless they are clear about their expectations in advance.
Ultimately, pre-marital counseling is an opportunity to get on the same page about what will be expected in a relationship, and to build a strong communication foundation that will last for the duration of the marriage. While some couples may avoid or dread counseling out of fear of what might be revealed, the truth is that these conversations are an opportunity to grow closer as a couple and ensure that each partner knows that they have a supportive and loving team in their partner. This support can be a significant factor in determining the success or failure of a marriage.